Some say spanking is abuse and is linked to aggression and anxiety.
Others say it can be appropriate discipline when acted upon in the proper manner.
Almost all studies indicate that the effetcs depend on the cultural norm and society of which the child is growing up.
What do YOU think?
6 comments:
I spank, therefore I am.
I really do think it depends on attitude. You can't spank a child and have misgivings. You're the leader. If you are not confident in your parenting, you don't hold any respect with your kiddos.
I like what Dr. Dobson has to say on it.
I have never and will never spank my child! It's a disrespectful, abusive, and ineffective form of discipline. As a parent, if I expect respect from my child, I feel I must give respect in return. What type of "attitude" makes intentionally hurting your child ok? There are so many more respectful and effective methods of discipline (or as I prefer to call it, "Guidance") and if you're resorting to hitting your kids, either A. you're not creative enough to find a *better* way, or B. you're letting your anger control your actions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and there are times when I get so mad I *do* feel like hitting him, but I'm bigger than that and my son deserves better than that.
A great website on this topic (as well as many others having to do with natural parenting) is The Natural Child Project (naturalchild.org).
It's not about letting your children get away with everything...its about finding gentle, respectful ways of meeting *everyone's* needs without resorting to violence...and yes it works (for my family anyway) even in this trying stage of toddlerhood! My son knows he's respected and that no matter what, Mommy and Daddy will never willfully hurt him in any way.
Yes, I'm just a bit passionate about this!
I grew up being spanked. We all did- all 8 of us kids. I never doubted my parents love or the fact that they respected me. It was very effective for us.
There IS a differnece between spanking and abuse. For some people- they may not be able to recognize that difference, and spanking should not be an option for those parents. One should not spank in anger- that's where the danger lies.
However, spanking can be and is an effective method when it is done as spaning- not as hitting your child or abusing them.
I love how Dr. Dobson explains it in his book Dare to Discipline.
"Spanking — delivered with respect, in self-control and never with anger or hostility — is an effective way to train up a defiant child. Discover the appropriate age for spanking, who should not use spanking, and what to do if you and your spouse disagree on discipline. "
Just a small part of it from Dare to Discipline.
And I don't understand this trend with parents regarding discipline. Parents are afraid to discipline their kids! They don't even like the word discipline, as though it implies something wrong.
Like Kim wrote, There are so many more respectful and effective methods of discipline (or as I prefer to call it, "Guidance")
Guess what? When we teach our children to bursh their teeth before they go to bed, we are disciplining them. When we teach them to wash their hands after being at the park, we are disciplining them. It's the same sense as when we meet that friend in college who ALWAYS studies and never skips a class- we comment on how "disciplined" they are. Same principle.
Parents (many of them today) seem so preoccupied and worried about being their kids' FRIENDS. That seems why many opt out of disciplining or "guiding" them. Children need parents- not another friend around. If they are friends that is a bonus, too, but our primary role is to teach them and prepare them for the world.
I believe spanking should be a last resort. But I also know that it depends on the child, and it will never work for some, and it will work wonders for others.
Forgot to add!
Thanks for the link, Kim.
I am going to check it out. :)
OK, ME again! LOL. :)
Kim,
I really like what is said on that site:
"10. Be sure that you and your child have had nutritious food throughout the day so your blood sugar levels stay high. Frequent, small meals are best."
I think what we eat is such a big factor on our behavior. Growing up, we had veggies, but they were mostly canned. And it seems like we had meatless pasta at least twice a week. Fine- we were healthy and happy, but I do think all those wasted carbs effected our blood sugar levels in many ways. (just a random example)
Perhaps our tempers would be controlled more if we all ate better!
And this one:
"18. Try whispering. When tensions are high, whispering can help to get a child's attention and also help to calm the parent."
Whispering worked wonders when I was teaching! That always caught their attention more than yelling.
Ok, I swear I'm done now!lol
"Spanking — delivered with respect, in self-control and never with anger or hostility — is an effective way to train up a defiant child."
Sharon, let me ask you, how many people spank in this manner? Spanking is almost always delivered by angry, frustrated, end-of-their-rope parents. And if they do spank in such a self-controlled manner, that disturbs me. I can understand lashing out in anger, but I can't understand a parent calmly and deliberately hitting their child. And about the respect part...how much would you respect your husband if he hit you because you did something he didn't like? Hitting *anyone* is never respectful, no matter how calmly or controlled it is.
Also, I don't refer to discipline as "guidance" because I'm afraid to discipline him...I use that term because it more clearly defines how I view my role as a parent. I focus on guiding him to do the right things without the threat of punishment....and even at 2 1/2 years old, he has the desire to do what he sees us do and behave how he sees us behave...and he has so much empathy which I haven't seen in many kids his age (and I nannied for many years before becoming a parent, so I've had lots of experience with young children and using nonviolent forms of discipline). If we spank him, it teaches that hitting is ok...or at least ok for those with more power (not a lesson I want him to learn).
Another quote from your reply: "However, spanking can be and is an effective method when it is done as spaning- not as hitting your child or abusing them. " I agree that spanking and abuse are two different things, but spanking and hitting are one and the same...it's just a softer word for it. We have laws against hitting an animal, but yet it's ok, even encouraged, to hit a child who isn't acting how we want them to.
Another point I'd like to make (and I'll do it quickly, I promise!), is this: I believe how we discipline our children is based in one of two core beliefs - either that a child is innately good or that a child is innately bad. I believe that a child is innately good and that they truly *want* to be responsible, healthy, functioning members of our society. So I don't feel like I have to punish bad behavior or reward good behavior to achieve that end result...he simply does as he sees.
I know we could debate this forever and never really see it from the others point of view...it's one of those things, like religion or politics, that is so deep seated that there's really no changing the other persons mind, but I am so passionate about treating children with the trust and respect and compassion that they deserve so I felt like I *had* to comment! But I sincerely mean no disrespect to you or any other parent who chooses to comment! Take Care!
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