Monday, November 16, 2009

Perfect Timing

This post: To the Grad School Widows

I had never been to her blog before, but I found that post just now, and it is perfect timing.
I really needed to read that, and I wish the comments weren't closed. I'd add a big thank you to the author.

I so often feel like such a big wimp.
I feel disappointed in myself that I'm getting impatient, frustrated, and wondering how the heck I'm going to endure another year of this.

It's not like I'm a military wife.
My husband is not overseas. He is not deployed.

It's not as though I really am a single parent.
He comes home every night.

Sometimes, though, it's harder because of that. He's here, yet not really. He might be home, but he should be studying, he should be preparing for his next case study.

I know he is doing it for our family. I know he loves us all.
I love him for doing this.

But I'll tell ya, it's not easy. The world knows it's hard for him-balancing his full time job, plus family, while being in grad school.
I just wish at times that the world could see, it's not so easy on my end, either.

Not that I want a pity party, but at this point in the semester, over a year into grad school now, I am feeling burned out.
I am getting tired of him having to devote nearly every weekend for school.
I am getting tired of doing dinner with the boys solo.
I'm tired of these strangers consuming his world.

I'm just tired.

I feel like this is a taste of playing single parent, and no thank you.
It's not easy. I give much credit to those who do this singlehandedly.

He will continue, he will finish.
I will continue, and I need to try and be less of a wimp about it.
But I needed to vent.
It's hard. Especially considering I have no family in town, and we only have one car.
Our choices, yes, but I also choose to vent about it now.
Just for this post.

Tomorrow I will be stronger and more brave.
I better be. My grad student -my husband- has a big test tomorrow. I need to be strong for him.
One more year...we'll make it.


Lu said...

I don't have experience with schooling AND kids, but I have lived through kids and working full time and Hubbie with 2 jobs so I can empathize a tiny bit. I would love for Hubbie to go back to school, but not sure I could take it. I commend you for living through this. I know it'll be worth it and you both will be so proud, but I agree- you need a break!!! Hang in there!

nellakat said...

Hang in there! Hubby was in grad school full time for the first 4 years of our marriage and the first 2 years we had kids. I really feel for you. All I can say is that it is so worth it. Not just because of the obvious financial freedom it will give you, but because it is something you will always know you accomplished together. Prayers for you and hubby!

Bethany said...

You'll make it a year! You can do it! I'll encourage you (or something...)

Andrea said...

Loved it Sharon! I know the feeling... oh how I know the feeling.

moosh in indy. said...

Oh darling.
My heart goes out to you, I only closed comments because of the spammers. Boo spam.

Not to promote myself, but did you see this one? the comments are just as helpful if not more so than the post.

best wishes.


Home Manager

Oh sweet Sharon! We have one car too! At least if we had two we could go wander around the mall or something. I hear ya. Esp. about dinner with the kids alone. Tonight, Gavin ate pretzels as I read his bedtime books.

Mojavi said...

I felt the same way when my husband was in Grad school and then studying for the CPA...and I didn't even HAVE KIDS! I honestly think you need to buy a clunker for your husband to drive to where ever he needs to be and you have the family vehicle! Being alone with children all day and night will wear you to the core, not being able to drive them to a park, the mall, or heck even the grocery store is INSANE!