We enjoy being a co-sleeping family. I never thought I'd say those words. Certainly when I was pregnant the first time I never planned on it. I assumed, like many, that my baby would be a good baby and just sleep in his crib. In his own room.
Life certainly changed my ways of thinking. Never did I expect a colicky baby. Lord knows those first 4 months were so hard. Constant crying. And I don't mean a few hours each night. I mean ALL DAY...ALL NIGHT. He seriously woke every 2 hours. I shiver just thinking back to those early days into parenthood.
In desperation, we tried letting ds sleep in bed with us. What a difference! No book convinced me of it, no other parent (as I thought they were crazy for the idea), but our own experience taught us how beneficial co-sleeping can be. Our 2.5 year old still sleeps in our room. This past September he began sleeping in his own twin bed, adjacent to ours. Our bed is in the middle of the room, and his bed is between ours and the wall. We still love it, and he is still always welcome to come into our bed if he needs to. People often ask us "is Aidan in his own room yet?". They just don't get it. We do not feel inconvenienced having him in there. We ALL feel this is best. We love just looking to the other side at night and being able to fix his covers or save him from turning himself off the foot of the bed.
Here is my concern (finally, right?). Our way of co-sleeping has always meant laying with him until he is actually asleep. Both for nap and bedtime. We know this won't last forever, but take advantage of being able to offer him this love and security while we can. I know most parents cringe at this idea, and the amount of time it takes. Actually, parenting in this manner has actually affected friendships of mine. (unfortunately)
With another baby on the way, I am worrying what will happen. Do I need to start changing our routine with Aidan now? I know being home alone with the baby, I will not always be able to leave the baby unattended to lay with ds until he is fully asleep.
Is our routine unusual for co-sleeping families? Do you really just tuck your kid in and walk out? It seems so foreign to me. Not BAD, just foreign.
I don't want to make any drastic changes after the baby arrives, as I don't want Aidan to feel resentful toward the baby, etc. At the same time, I am worrying over being able to give our newborn the on-demand attention and breastfeeding that I cherished so much with our first. I don't want to discontinue all that with Aidan, either. But maybe it is just time.
I so hope some of you other co-sleeping families out there can offer your experience. Like I said before, in "real life" I have just one other friend whose parenting style is similar to ours. They only have one child right now, so they don't have to worry about this. I just really want the most peaceful transition possible with the arrival of our second son.
And Lord, I sincerely pray this baby will not be colicky like his brother. I don't know if I could do that all over again.
2 comments:
I can completely relate to where you're coming from and had many of the same concerns during my pregnancy. We did the same thing you did...put a twin adjacent to our queen size bed, with the intentions of that being Jack's bed. However, he really still likes to be close to me at night, so Joe usually sleeps on the twin side. I also still lay down with him at nap and bedtime until he falls asleep, and I bring Sophie in bed with us at those times. She lays in between Jack and I and Jack really enjoys cuddling with her, too (which I definately think strengthens their relationship). Sometimes we all stay in bed together, sometimes I leave them to sleep together (and keep my eye on them via video monitor), and sometimes if Sophie is awake I bring her downstairs with me and we get that one on one time to bond without other distractions. Initially I really never thought I could have them sleep beside each other, but they do just fine...Jack usually seems aware of her even when he's sleeping.
I've found that by keeping Sophie accessable to him has been a great advantage to his accepting her so easily. I think most new parents of 2 tend to keep the baby out of the older child's reach, for the baby's safety presumably. I definately keep my eye on them, but he is constantly interacting with her and I'm careful to not make too many negative comments about what he can't do with her or about being careful. Also, I find sometimes when I'm nursing her, Jack will ask to nurse too (after weaning back in my first trimester)...if I refuse, he'll be adamant about nursing, but if I just say casually "Ok, as soon as Soph is done, you can have some" he either returns to what he was doing and forgets all about it or if he does nurse, its for all of 15 seconds! I think he just needs to know that its still available to him.
Oh, and throughout my pregnancy, I made Sophie part of our day, talking about what she was doing in my belly, having him feel her move, talking about what it will be like when she joins our family, etc and when she finally came there were very few surprises for him and since we'd spent so much time talking about her it was almost like she was already there, so the transition was really easy for him. I don't know if that was WHY it was easy for him, but I like to think it made a difference :)
Anyway, sorry for rambling! I hope some of this helps. Above all, I'd say to try not to worry so much...I've found that most things just fell into place, and usually differently than I planned!
This is kathyh3...
I never considered us co-sleepers, but I layed down with Kari every night when she was little until she fell asleep. I would sing to her for a while. It was so special and such a wonderful non-stressful time for us to share. Sometime in the night--every night--she would come into our bed. I mean on those very rare times that she slept all night, I would wake in a panic if she wasn't in bed with us! Sometime around 7 or 8 she started staying in her own bed...on her own.
Gracie is not a co-sleeper. She likes to sleep in her own bed most of the time.
Isn't there a way you can continue this? One of you tend the baby...the other one lay down with big brother.
Post a Comment