Wednesday, January 23, 2008

*GASP* (What I'm Thinking Of Doing)

The dreaded cry-it-out. Can you believe I'm even posting this?!

It's true. Brennan's sleep habits lately have been more than bad. Terrible, actually. I love that little stinker, but he is depriving me ( and himself) of sleep, and I no longer have the ability to "sleep when baby sleeps", since I have my almost-4-year-old to care for.

I went into parenthood without opinions of cry-it-out. We tried it with Aidan, out of desperation, and it didn't really "work". And yes, we even kept those sleep logs and let him go for a straight hour of crying. (which is the max amount of time suggested in the Weissbluth book.)

TOTAL frustration. I had a decent post written, and somehow deleted it. :( AGH! OK, forget it now. The boys need me.

Basically, I'm thinking of trying this with Brennan. I'm thinking-different time, different baby-maybe it'll "work" with him? (he's been waking nearly every 1.5 hours. Seriously. It's getting pretty bad)

Anyone? Encouragement or discouragement?


Andrea said...

Okay, Sharon! I know you probably know that I am completely against letting children cry it out.
I know you don't like the pacifier, but I would try that before I let him cry.
I remember going through this with Landen and thinking - what is wrong with him it turned out he was trying to cut teeth for WEEKS. I'm not saying that's your situation, and I know your a good mom who wouldn't just do the crying out because you didn't want to deal with him.

Does he do this at bed time, when he's with you??

Is he just mad crying? Amelia is going through that I'm just mad and I let her cry for seriously like 30 seconds while I'm sitting right with her and she's fine.

I'm just throwing things out at you. If you want to talk, e-mail me. I know you probably don't have time, but I'll be glad to hash things over with you.

I hope things starting looking better. Oh how I feel your pain -seriously.

Stacey said...

I cannot stress this enough... do what you feel is right for Brennan and yourself. NOT crying it out is obviously working for Brennan, but it's clearly not working for you. DO NOT FEEL SELFISH. 8 months of constantly interrupted sleep is quite enough, thankyouverymuch.

Bla bla bla, you know all that. That said, crying it out worked pretty well for Ace. He never cried longer than 15 minutes before he fell asleep. We went in there every few minutes to give him a pacifier since he can't sleep without it (talk about something I regret) but otherwise, no intervention. It took maybe a week of doing this before he'd get himself to sleep. I wouldn't let him get himself TOO worked up, I didn't think that was nice, and if he did get too worked up I'd soothe him. However, if it was just the tired whining cry, he can work that out alone.

If it's not hurting him, there's nothing wrong with it. I mean, really, would you let him cry for a couple of minutes so you can grab a shower? Finish preparing chicken? Go poop? Crying for a little while won't hurt him, and it might help him, so if you think it'll be best for the whole family, get 'er done.

Oh, and friend me on myspace, ya snob!

Andrea said...

I'm not about to start a war here, but babies are not supposed to be left to cry it out. I mean when they get old enough that they're just crying to get there way, that's a different story.

A child has been in your womb (for most) 9 months and then they're just left to soothe themselves? They're crying because that's their only way of communication. By meeting their needs and not letting a child just "cry" to go to sleep, etc. you are showing them that you will meet their needs and help them grow to be more secure as an older child.

I don't remmeber when Landen got to the age that I let him get mad and cry - but it was when he was fairly old (he's 2.5 now) and I still don't just let him cry without at least talking to him. Amelia is never left to just cry (six months), if she's mad crying I'm still right there with her.

Like I said, I'm not trying to start a war and yes, all mom's need a time to poop, take a shower, etc, but we are mom's and our children need us too. I just felt like I had to comment here and I'm not one to do that. Usually I just leave well enough alone. *Hugs*

Stacey said...

That's cool, Andrea! No mommy-warring here - I hate that! I know that I did what was best for Ace and what was best for us as a family, and it's worked out splendidly for all involved. It's cool that you do what's best for your kids too! That's all anyone wants here. :)

Kim said...

Ok, now I'm sure you know how I feel about this :) I could go on and on but Andrea said it pretty well! I truly believe that when people say CIO "worked", it's not because the baby magically learned how to fall asleep on their own, but sadly because they realized that there is no longer any reason to cry because no one is answering those cries. The biggest lesson a baby learns in the first year is trust, and a ll a child will learn from CIO is mis-trust...that the people he depends on most aren't there when he needs them most. Babies always cry for a reason, even if we can't always tell what that reason is!

Ok, so enough of the guilt's totally not what I intended! I know how difficult and frustrating and purely exhausting constantly waking up at night can be. I'm not sure if Brennan is in bed with you, but maybe that will help him sleep more soundly? I'm going to second Andrea's suggestion that it may be teething...Sophie wakes MUCH more frequently during bouts of teething, and then goes right back to sleeping well once that's passed. I'm sure if he's going through that, then having you there to nurse him or just soothe him with your presence is incredibly comforting for him.

The one thing that has always stood out to me since "meeting" you here long ago, is that you are an amazing mom who is incredibly loving and dedicated to her children. So I know the fact that you are considering this is because you must be incredibly frustrated and at the end of your rope, not knowing what else to do. I wish I had the perfect answer for you, but all I can really offer is "trust your baby", know he's waking often for a valid reason and not to make your life miserable :) And also, this too shall pass! The one thing having kids has taught me is that nothing stays the same for long..even sleepless nights! Yes, we moms have valid needs of our own (sleep being very high on the list!), but we also have the huge responsibility of being truly attentive to the needs of our babies..even when we REALLY don't feel like it (like at 2am!!).

Anyways, sorry this ran so long! I hope I didn't guilt trip you TOO much :) I hope you get more sleep soon! Lots of hugs!

Jennifer said...

Oh man...I probably don't even need to comment on this, as we have hashed and re-hashed it a million times, but I will say a couple of things...First of all, you are an amazing mom who listens to her gut instinct and in the end, comes out on top. You would never do anything you knew was bad for your baby, whatever that might mean for you or anyone else--Remember that and let it guide you in your decisions. Also remember the thing that is soooo hard to remember in tough times: They are little for such a short time and THIS TOO SHALL PASS :o) Brennan's at that age where his mind is ahead of what his body can do and he's probably frustrated with all he wants to do and say, but can't yet. He is probably "just" teething or going through a developmental milestone--I found that to be true for Landon when these no-sleep phases would happen. What else? I always remind myself that every baby is different and each has a different temperament, different things that work for them. Go easy on won't do the wrong thing. And no one but you knows what the wrong or right thing is. Everyone who posted comments wrote some great stuff and you've said it all yourself. You are strong and loving and SMART and intuitive. I wish I was there to help you...I know it is so tough to get no sleep and I know first hand what kind of health problems it can cause. Hang in there--I promise it will get better!!!!! (And then worse again and then better ;o)

Amy said...

I can't do the cry it out thing. I can say that because I, too, tried it a couple of times... and I don't know if it was harder on the kids or me. I believe in cosleeping, and many a night I have one of the kids in bed with us. I've gone through spells with both of them not sleeping, and we'd (baby & I) would wind up sleeping together... of course at the time my husband worked nights, so it was just me, exhausted, with the baby. That works for me, but it might not work for you.

Some of the other things that have worked for me with DS: oatmeal before bed-- he went through a spell of waking up hungry; taking a water bottle to bed- a sip or two seemed to soothe him; cuddling in my bed until he was asleep, then moving back to his own bed.

You have to do whatever works for you- ignore all well-meaning advice, including mine ;), and go with your gut. I hope you both get some rest soon!

In Light of the Truth... said...

It's definitely worth a shot! We tried it with Eli when he was only a couple months old and it didn't work. He just keep crying and crying. But around 6 months old, after we tried EVERYTHING else, we decided to go back to crying it out, and it took ONE night and then he was sleeping through the night! His body just had to be broken out of the cycle of waking up EVERY HOUR! That was Eli though, and every baby is different, so let us know what works for lil' Brennan!