Friday, January 30, 2009

Ineffective

I'm having a bad day.
I'm stressed with the move and unpacking, not finding my swishy pants which I really wanted to wear today.
I'm beyond ticked the way the cable company blew us off, barely offering an apology.
The weather is pathetic, and I really crave spring right now.

Worst of all, my boys absolutely don't listen to me. Not a thing I say. When they are like this, it makes me feel so incredibly ineffective.
It makes working outside the home seem quite appealing.

Oh I know there is always a downside. When I worked full-time I had bad days, too. I had days where I doubted my career choice. The thing about then, though, is that the little critters not listening to me went home at the end of the day.

Perhaps me staying home with my two boys is not what's best. Who knows. I was a damn good teacher, and I am not one to compliment myself.

They just don't have a care as to what I say to them. I say it nicely and patiently
Doesn't matter.
I get frustrated and raise my voice--doesn't matter.
I put them to bed---they wake up---try letting Brennan cry. Doesn't matter. He doesn't go back to sleep.
I encourage them to take care of their toys, and it's not like I'm not even heard.
I make a nice dinner and they don't want to eat it.
Wasted energy.

I'm just not seeing what the point to it all is today.
They clearly don't give a rats patooty about my decisions or directions, and I am quickly losing steam.

Ineffective. Pointless.

8 comments:

Jennifer said...

Oh my gosh, Sharon--I know you're frustrated as anything right now, but can I just say that I AM SO GLAD YOU POSTED THIS TODAY? I am not kidding you. Are we living the same life? Because I thought no one in the world was thinking like me right now! I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. I have been going against the original plan to keep Landon home another year (at least) and SCORING preschools! I have been feeling more than ineffective--I have been feeling useless, like a failure--out of control and a little crazy. The being sick is really exacerbating the problem b/c this poor kid needs to get out of the house or have someone to play with or SOMETHING! I'll email you more later :o)

I'll send up some prayers for you, stat!

Crystal said...

Sharon!! I completely understand! feeling exactly the same way the past few WEEKS! I'm going to call you in a bit, before I head out to get Ethan. Love you girl!

Jennifer - so seriously, what is up with us? It has to get better right. I've actually been considering preschool in September for Alex, am looking somewhat forward to Ethan being in school during the summer(possibly, if we can afford it), and maybe even looking for a part time job. I'd do it now, but well, excuses I guess. I've been so tired and lazy lately, and Jason has been on my case about everything being messy and the kids "are sick because I'm not cleaning enough" Huh? Its not like we are sitting in our own filth! I pick up, I sweep, I wipe up messes, I cook, I bathe them regularly and the house is mostly clean. Its messy but clean, if you know waht I mean? GRR, so thats not helping, plus I've been so sick for almost 2 weeks which doesnt help energy levels (just a horrible cold/cough/sinus pain, and sore throat, but its very draining).

Sue said...

I'm so sorry, I think it is the stress of the move-it's hard on all of you--even the boys! It will get better!! Don't feel guilty if you ever want to work-there is NOTHING wrong with a mother working!!!! Next year Aidan will be in school more & Brennan will be in a better routine. I so wish I was there to give you a break. I'd seriously take that cable guy hostage & you should take off in his truck!!! :)

Amy said...

:::HUGS:::
Sharon- all I can say is that I've been there, had days when I'm pretty sure I'm invisible. Hang in there- I'm praying right now for you! I hope you get a little break when your hubby gets home- maybe a quick trip out of the house would help? It usually helps me-- just a few minutes alone, even just running to the store for milk, helps clear my head.

Amy said...

Sharon, trust me. You can go back to work -- but then you'll feel ineffective in two places.

Hugs! Hope today is better.

Nell @ Casual Friday Everyday said...

I so have had those days and many of them recently. HUGS to you. Those rough days are always a draining force.

:--) Nell
CasualFridayEveryday.com
Twitter.com/casualeveryday

Amy said...

Just wanted you to know that this post stuck in my mind today and I came back hoping you'd had a better day today.

Sharon said...

Thank you all for your kins words & support.
It's days like these when I really miss living near my own family.

Sure enough the next day was better. Thankfully.

Amy-good point on going back to work.

While I fully agree that it's not wrong for a mother to work--and I know I am quite capable--I DO think it's not fair to the child if neither parent stays home those first 4-5 years, or until the child is in school on a regular basis. I truly believe that in most cases it IS possible for a family to make do, and those first few years are so vital I think the kids deserve to be in their own homes.
I know there are circumstances for families where that isn't an option. And sure, maybe some parents just don't want that. But for me and my family, that's how I feel.
I think it'd be perfect if my dh could stay home 2 full days, then me the other 3. ;)