I lack courage.
Where does this stem from?
From a summer-long debate about where God wants us to educate our children.
Our oldest is entering 2nd grade, our middle son starting pre-4.
To date Aidan has gone to our parish school, and both boys have been registered there since spring.
Yet homeschooling has heavily been on my mind, yet again.
One day I'm all pumped, buying bins to create their workboxes, choosing curriculum, and getting down right excited over the flexibility it will enable, the financial freedom, the new opportunities.
The next day, I feel God wants us to stick with the plan, at least for this year, allowing Aidan to receive his First Holy Communion with his class, appreciating the wonderful Catholic staff at our parish.
I see something that seems a sign for Catholic school.
I then see something that seems a sign for homeschooling.
I have had endless discussions about it with numerous people, attended the Homeschool Resource Sale, joined Yahoo groups...
It's interfered with my sleep. Brought butterflies to my stomach.
Tears to my eyes.
I believe that it's not one-size-fits-all. If you follow God's plan, it will ultimately be what's best for your family.
For some, that means traditional school.
For others, that means homeschooling.
One is not better than the other (usually), and homeschooling parents are not better than other parents, parents who choose traditional schools are not better than homeschooling families.
But UGH.
I'm torn up.
I feel perhaps this year, at least, God wants our boys at our parish school.
Much to my surprise, I also feel sad at that.
I enjoy lesson planning, seeing them interact so well together, grow, etc.
I'm between a rock and hard place, and I'm lacking courage to let go & let God.
I am the cowardly lion.
I just want what is overall best for my boys and my family.
I don't want to miss the special moments, I want them to have solid friends, to be safe, love God above all else, and when need be, I want to trust the people in their lives.
My heart is heavy.
2 comments:
We've homeschooled for a year and about to begin our second and I still have doubts and debates and questioning our decision. Not because it isn't working, but because I just wonder, am I doing what God is calling me to do? Not that I'm not at peace, I just wonder, is this it? I even wrote a LONG post on Tuesday all about my struggles of deciding what is right..... and didn't post it, because it was just a crazy post of wonderings and options and wishing for a bright neon sign!! :) Will say a prayer for you.
It is hard. I have had those sleepless nights, and conversations, and the wanting the rock solid message from God so you just don't have to wonder which way is the best way for your family anymore. Praying that you feel peace in God's plan soon.
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