Pregnancy Update

I am 30 weeks tomorrow!
Almost to the home stretch, right? I believe it's only 6 more weeks until the baby could be born without being considered a preemie. THAT makes me very happy. :)

I've realized that my body doesn't get along with pregnancy.
I have a hard time accepting this.
As women, I feel we are blessed to be able to embrace pregnancy. Sure, labor can stink, etc., and it'd be nice for men to go through it. But we are the only ones that GET to. We, women, are the ones chosen to have such exclusive participation in this miracle. It may have gross parts and everything, but only WE can do it. That's pretty amazing.

So when my body constantly acts in a negative way to pregnancy, it makes me feel weak. I feel less of a woman, especially when other pregnant women I know are doing just fine- no problems or complaints. I'm happy for them, but also jealous and irritated.

You may read this post and interpret it as me venting or complaining. I don't care. I AM venting!
I guess I don't "offer it up" very well. I don't suffer silently, bla bla bla.

The 1st issue, of course, has been my stress level and anxiety during this pregnancy.
If you've never suffered a miscarriage, you truly cannot understand this. To you it would look like I am paranoid. Fortunately I have a great group online of mothers who have also suffered a loss, then went on with following pregnancies. Because of them I know I am not paranoid, but rather have very normal feelings and fears. One day, it's just your body. The next, your body is no longer your own, but host to growing another human. It's a major responsibility, and thinking your body could betray you again is a horrible feeling.

See, I don't feel I trust my body any more. I don't have confidence in it to do as it should. It betrayed me once, ( I feel), so why I should be walking around without the doubt it will betray me again?
That uneasiness has made me nervous with every pregnancy ill I've felt. (with the exception of the usual morning sickness)

You may recall I had some bad luck switching doctors when we moved from Michigan to Ohio.
I loved my OB in Michigan. Not only was he patient and incredible, but he shared the same beliefs and values we do. I fully trusted him. 110%. That is very hard to come by with someone in the medical field.

We moved as I was nearing the end of my 1st trimester. I went by suggestions of other moms here. I wasn't able to find an OB from onemoresoul.org within our mileage, so I accepted that I'd be going to a typical OB.
My 1st visit with the new place was not good. I saw the nurse practitioner (required there), and she mocked us for practicing NFP, wanted to know why I hadn't "protected" myself from my husband, and asked if this pregnancy was planned. At this point it didn't matter-I was almost 16 weeks along! She had no need to ask such rude questions. And yes, she was rude in the manner she asked. She then proceeded to push me on having genetic testing done, since the baby we miscarried died from Trisomy 18. I never plan on having an amnio, as it's just too invasive for my liking, She wouldn't drop it the first time I said no. She went on to tell me I should test "before it's too late", if you know what she meant. I felt badgered there. Angry and not pleased at all.

My next visit went a little better with the actual doctor, but he even reminded me of my options for genetic testing. Wasn't it in my file that I declined those tests? I know it was, because a paper with my signature was included with that decline.

So the new year rolls around. Our insurance changed again, and I was pleased. NOW I had the option to return to my Michigan OB. It'd be 60 miles one way, but very worth it.

January 2nd-I try to nap with my son, and this intense pain hits me. It's not going away and only getting worse. It very much reminded me of when I was in labor. Only there was no break from the pain, like the break you get between contractions. I couldn't stand up right or walk. It was horrible. I was praying it wasn't early labor, and that I wasn't losing the baby. The pain was so intense, though, I was not remaining rational. I called my OB. She said to go to the hospital, as it could be pre-term labor. This practice is only 2 mins. away, so I asked if I could go there, knowing they could determine if I was in labor She actually said to me "what do you want ME to do about it?"
Holy cow. She had sunk even lower than before. Completely outraged, I asked which hospital to go to.

She sent me to a great hospital, except it's one they don't have privileges at! Nice OB practice, right?
Thank God the baby was fine. They discharged me with the diagnosis that it was either the bad position of the baby, or a kidney stone. Because I am pregnant, they couldn't do all the testing to know for sure.

My stay in the hospital taught me that this OB has been known for doing this. He sends his patients to the hospital he does not even work out of! I met a better OB while I stayed the night in the hospital, and he told me they'd accept me as a patient, even though I was 22 weeks along.

I switched to that OB. His nurse has been wonderful. If I didn't have the scare and feel better being so close to the hospital, I would've gone back to my Michigan OB.

So then 3 weeks ago I get some virus. A stomach bug. The nurse said it usually lasted 3 days, but mine lingered for 7. That next day I had my regular OB visit. Routine urine sample, listen to the heartbeat, etc.
The dr. informs me there is blood in my urine, and I give a lab sample. They say I am at the onset of a bladder infection. So I start an antibiotic that night.
Did you know bladder infections/UTIs are big triggers of labor? Or in my case, pre-term labor? They were being very "proactive", which I am grateful for.

I completed my Rx and Saturday go for my glucose test for gestational diabetes. I felt sick that day, assuming it was just from that insanely sweet drink they make you consume. The feelings become more menstrual, and I am starting to feel uneasy again. All I can think in my head is "it's too early. The baby is only 2 pounds right now!"
It persisted on Sunday, so Monday I am on with the nurse again. My dr. is at the hospital, but they have me come in to be monitored. They confirmed it was no contractions or labor, but there was even more blood in my urine. Apparently that first Rx did nothing. I'm getting irritated! I thought we caught the infection at its early stage? I went on meds right away! I was annoyed to hear it actually got worse.
So they changed my RX and I'm on another antibiotic. Both nurses reminded me that these infections could lead to early labor, so watch my body signs.

I've been on meds for the past 2 weeks now. The week before that I was taking a lot of Immodium. I am NOT comfortable with all of these things entering my system while I am pregnant!
And what seems worse, is that I am still having menstrual feelings and stinging pains. It's hard to know the difference. Some of them do feel similar to labor pains. I don't know what is going on. After 5 doses of the new, stronger Rx, I didn't expect to still feel the infection as I do. So I wonder if they've missed something. I worry if I am dilating. AGH!

I know I am annoying the people around me with my constant vocalization of what I feel inside. Yes, I am worried. Maybe I don't need to be. If it was just ME, it's be a lot easier to ignore things. But it's not. It's ME respsonsible for this baby. This baby that is loved by so many family members. I just don't want to screw it up or miss a bad signal, which could hurt the baby.

I'd love to know why my body is constantly acting up. WHY? My first pregnancy was not like this!
I truly feel that I HATE being pregnant. I haven't felt myself in 30 weeks! That is depressing and an awful long time to feel so poorly. And I am not looking for pain. I have never been known as a hypochondriac, either.

Right now I just want to feel semi-good again. I need to clean and prepare for this baby. I need to be more active with my almost 3 year old. He's been watching way too much tv because I've been on the couch with the heating pad, feet up. The house is filthy. I haven't cooked in some time.
Yuck.

So there's my pregnancy update! lol. I am laughing to myself,wondering what you're going to think as you read this. (and if you're still reading at THIS point, bless you!)
I'm excited to meet this baby.
I want to adopt any future children we have. Seriously. My body is mean during pregnancy. MEAN.

I'm shopping this weekend for some of the baby things we still need before he can come home.
I hope to feel well enough.

For those of you who enjoy pregnancy, and whose bodies are good to you, LUCKY! I hope you know you are fortunate. :)