Friday, January 15, 2010

Struggling

I'm struggling right now.

To not feel like a bad mother because my child misbehaves.
To not feel like a lousy mom because of disrespect.

To not feel like a Weight Watchers failure because I gained 1.4 this past week.

To not feel like I fail in my role because I don't contribute to a bank account.

To not feel like an unpleasant person because I am quick-tempered.
To not feel unheard because I pray for patience, I pray to be a better wife & mother, and my actions & words repeat themselves.

I struggle to not feel like a failure.
Perhaps it's the inner perfectionist in me. I'm sure hormones are playing a part, but it just flat out stinks.

It stinks to struggle and feel all of this.
But today, I am.

9 comments:

Crystal said...

You are not alone. I think every mom, wife, heck PERSON in general, struggles with these things, these feelings. I KNOW I do. You are a great mom, a great wife, a great friend, you contribute in other ways just as important as a paycheck would be, you are permitted to have bad days and be quick-tempered and be impatient because you are HUMAN and a sinner like we all are, you are NOT a failure even when you feel like you are failing and struggling. You can fail or struggle with something but not be a failure, there is a big difference and in my eyes and I'm sure many others including your kind hubby and wonderful boys and other family members and friends, you will never be a failure. I love your honesty, by the way, and that is part of why you will never be a bad mom or wife or a failure, because you can openly admit where you are struggling...

Hyperactive Lu said...

You are NOT alone. I think we all have moments/days or weeks of feeling one or all of these things.... :( Hang in there! Saying a prayer for you!

Stefany said...

Oh sweets, it is hard. I want you to know that you are being prayed for here. I Try to remember that you are acting out God's calling for you right now and in doing that you are not a failure. Also remember that you are heard but God's plan is often not one we understand. Keep your faith and keep your chin up... and know that I am here if you need a shoulder.

Mandy said...

Nope...not alone with that thinking! I have been feeling the same way about my parenting AND I gained 2.2 at Weight Watchers. :( Hang in there... I am right there with ya, sista!

Amy said...

Oh, I'm glad you felt like you could put this out there. I think we all feel that way at one time or another. It reminds me of that verse in the Bible that says "for when I am weak, then I am strong" and "your power is made perfect in my weakness." Allow God to lift you in this time.

leo said...

Every mom has experienced this stage. The stage where we thought that we have not made our children the way we wanted it to be. There is no perfect person in the world.
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Sue said...

you're way too hard on yourself. Aidan wouldn't be the boy he is today w/out your influence!

Gym Mama said...

Everyone is absolutely right. You're not alone and, really, we ALL feel like this. Probably more often than not. And certainly more than we're willing to admit! Rest in the assurance that God has great things in store for you and that you can ALWAYS curl up in His words and rest. Always. I pray that today is a better day for you!

Shelly said...

Like everyone else said "You are not alone", im sure it makes you feel better yo have all the reassuring responses. A stay at home mom is anything BUT a failure and don't you forget it! You work long and hard hours, its just that society tries to make us feel like its not a real job because we aren't getting paid.