Six Years...Love You, Little Girl

Today is the 6th anniversary of when we lost our 2nd baby, Dorothy Grace.
We affectionately call her "Little Dottie".

You can read my past posts about her here, the story of what happened here.

I don't want to feel sad today.
That doesn't mean that I don't, nor does it mean there's no crying.
But I want to think of the positive: our baby is in heaven.

I just keep thinking of what the doctor so wisely told me: Our baby going to heaven when she did would later allow another baby to be here. It's so true.
Brennan is here now, and I have no doubt Little Dottie helped make that happen. Even with his rough pregnancy.
I truly believe she is with God, and she watches over us. Certainly her brothers benefit from her protection. ;)

I miss her. Some days the moments I feel, the intensity of which I feel myself missing her, it catches me off guard. I dare even feel sometimes that to feel that way something must be wrong with me.
But she is my baby. My little girl not on earth.
We miss her. We love her so very much, and her brothers do know about her.
We pray for Little Dottie each night during bedtime prayers.

We didn't bury Little Dottie.
We opted for our wonderful, faithful Catholic doctor to test her so we could have an answer. While that information is invaluable, I do regret not providing a funeral for her. Even if it was just at our own home, privately. We were renters then, and really had no place to offer that for her. That influenced our decision.
Though we can't change what we did, I would like to get something like this to have as a memorial for her at our home. For Little Dottie and for Lillian Hope, too.

I can't believe it's been 6 years. 

We still miss you, Little Dottie.

We love so so much. I hope you're having a blast in heaven, getting to know our family and friends who join you up there. 

I can't wait to meet you one day. I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

Until then, keep looking after us, and know that I think about you every single day.

One Year Later

February 23...today marks one year since we lost our 4th baby, Lillian Hope.
The coincidence of such timing.
It was also one year ago my mother had her major back surgery.

Here we are, one year later, my mother is up here helping me, and while we still are saddened to have lost Lillian Hope, we're holding our newest addition, Cillian Joseph. Nearly one year later exactly.
There is comfort in holding him, hope, peace.

God's timing never ceases to amaze me.

To Lillian I say, we love you, we miss you, and forever you're a part of our family.
Thank you for watching over your new baby brother, helping to bring him safely into this world.

A year ago I posted this song/video, each time listening to it, tears coming my way.

Now I post it, with a reflection of sadness, but also with a new spirit of hope. Rejoicing in God blessing me & my family.
Aidan, Dorothy Grace, Brennan, Lillian Hope, and now Cillian...each is a gift from God.

Grandparents Day

It's Grandparents Day at Aidan's school today.
I don't know who is more excited-him, or my in-laws. ;)

Both Marmar (Aidan's name for his paternal grandma, ever since he started talking) & Buppa are making the drive down here early this morning to participate. Aidan is a lucky kid!
They should be here in time to take him to school. First it's school Mass, then a reception after.
Aidan planned out the kids he wants to introduce them to, the art work he wants to show them, etc.
It's cute to see him so excited & enthusiastic about his "home away from home".

Speaking of grandparents....
We named the baby we just lost. I wasn't planning on it, but after some prompting from my dad, we did.
God does work in mysterious ways. When all of this was happening last week, Patrick actually had a dream that gave him peace about us having a girl. Baby #4, in his dream, was just that, so even though we don't know for sure, we went with a girl's name.
Ater his dream he had a strong feeling for the name Lily. I like the name, but wanted to know the meaning of it, first.
When looking it up, I learned it stems from "Lillian", which coincidentally is my grandmother's name (she passed when I was pregnant w/ Aidan).
I thought that was a faith-coincidence, so we agreed on naming our baby Lillian Hope. Not that it matters a ton, but it feels good to us. (I had been leaning towards Faith or Hope).

Lillian Hope is baby #4.
Partying up in heaven with Dorothy Grace (baby #2) and my grandmas, I'm sure.
Hopefully they're looking down on us and intervening. :)