Heaven help me if I have another week like this one.
Speaking of Heaven, please continue to pray for my mother. She has very rough, pain-filled recovery ahead. She had a reaction to the morphine, and the pain meds are adjusted, but not cutting it. :( I feel so bad for her.
On a brighter note, I'm kicking off Friday with some craziness my brother Kevin & I have fun with.
It goes a little something like this:
"You dropped a bomb on me, BABY, you dropped a bomb on me...at the LOVE SHACK! Love shack, baby...because I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS PARTY."
I'd have such a fun dance party with Kevin right now. Too bad he's in California.
It's too early to tell, but since I already shared with you yesterday, I'm sharing again.
I went for another blood draw today.
The doctor yesterday was so sure the numbers (HCG levels, hormone detection for duration of pregnancy) would be less today. She had me leaving the visit yesterday with no hope. She had shown no hope. Heck, she didn't even recognize a loss.
But much to her surprise, my surprise--to all of us a pleasant surprise--my numbers went UP.
They didn't fully double like normal, but they did go up. This is a good sign.
It's still too early to tell, but this doctor might just be wrong. There may be a baby growing, surviving in there.
Tomorrow morning I go for another blood draw. By 4:00 I should hear from the doctor, finding out if my numbers went up again or not. If not, that's not so great. If so, I may be in luck. ;)
When I move around, there is more to notice signs of potential problems. When I rest, especially when i keep my feet up, those signs practically come to a hault. Though I wasn't put on bed rest, I'm resting extra.
Thank you for your prayers. We're in a period of limbo playing the waiting game. It stinks, but it's where we are right now.
I have a glimmer of hope. Your thoughts & prayers are awesome and I so appreciate it. Thank you.
Aidan and Brennan are in bed, sound asleep. Looking angelic.
Patrick is in class.
I am here on the couch alone with my thoughts.
I am thinking that life truly is precious.
Every breath we take, though sometimes filled with stress, truly is a gift from God.
Do we deserve to be here?
No.
Not when you measure us up to God and the Saints.
But we are here, and we are precious to HIM, and hopefully with love, to each other.
My mother is precious to me.
Her life is precious. Her life gave me life.
Today she endured an 8-hour surgery, and praise God she's come out of it just fine. She is in a ton of pain right now, but she is alive. She is ok, and soon, will hopefully be better than OK.
My children are precious to me.
No matter how long they were a part of my life, they are precious to me. They teach me things, life lessons, even if I only knew of their existence for 24 hours.
Sadly, today we learned what I thought was a bad period is actually a pregnancy, but the baby seems to be struggling. The doctor believes I am miscarrying, but tomorrow we will know for sure.
It's not as bad as the last time.
It still hurts, though.
I don't understand why God has made this a part of my life.
I struggle to fight the thought that HE is trying to tell me I am not a good mother. After all, HE wouldn't give a baby to an unworthy person, now would HE?
I feel guilty for my family. There was excitement, and it's me, my body that isn't delivering. They show me nothing but love, but I feel like I am disappointing them.
Perhaps these are selfish thoughts.
I know I am blessed. God has given me an amazing husband, and 2 equally amazing little boys. Our life as a family of four is precious.
I know my mother's life is precious.
I am grateful for those things, but also shocked, abruptly, by how quickly this precious life can come to an end.
I want to say more "I love you's", I want to hug more, yell less, and appreciate the precious lives in my life.
God-willing.
I know that He has a plan.
He does not make mistakes.
I have my own thoughts, concerns, worries...I have my own ideas about what certain things mean in my life, and what should happen next.
My plans are not the ones that need to come forth & prove true.
HIS plans are.
I confess, there are days when I feel like God has made a mistake.
There are things in my life that make me wonder what He was really doing, allowing this or that to happen or not happen.
He has a plan. A perfect plan.
Right now I am trying to feel the peace in that, and forget any plan of mine.
Today, I pray I can do what I need to do for HIS plan in my life.
The decision about new windows for our house would be so much easier.
We went from considering new floors to going back to new windows, thanks to the energy tax credit.
Our tax refund seems it will be a tad more than we expected, so we're trying to stick with our goal of one major home improvement project a year. (last year was the roof & gutters)
But darn it! When I think about all we could do with that money...so many things. New furniture (badly needed), tuition for 2010/11 school year paid in full, new shoes, clothes, a 2nd car, pay off more debt...SCREAM.
Why doesn't money grow on trees again?
Oh, right. Obama's fault.
I know it's an "investment" to improve our home. And considering our area's housing values increased roughly 13% this past year, it seems it will pay off.
Gosh darn it.
It's looking like new windows will grace our home, and it better also grace our utility bills.
Do you like my "verbal laziness", writing "pics" instead of "pictures"? (a-hem, Sue;)
Our computer is causing problems not wanting to let iphoto function, so I only have a few pictures to share right now. But hey, someone I know was wondering when I was going to post them, so I bugged Pat at work & he walked me through some steps to upload them a different way.
Without further ado:
I've been down in the dumps since getting back from SC, but today I'm posting the positive!
So far it's been a good day:
-Aidan didn't wake me until 6:30 (super appreciated since the hubby is in Dallas)
-I got in my a.m. shower without interruption. Grant it, the legs remain hairy, but such is life!
-Aidan had his dental cleaning at 8:30 this morning. Seeing as school starts at 9, I was counting on him being tardy for the first time.
But no! Awesomeness reigns, people, awesomeness reigns!
Got there at 8:25 for the apt, they took us right away. Aidan was AMAZING during the visit, and has no cavities. Go Aidan! Even w/ x-rays being done, we made it to school on time, w/ 2 minutes to spare. I couldn't believe we still made it on time! (it helps that the dentist is a few blocks from the school).
Aidan was brave, Brennan sat still while we were in there, and we were not tardy!
-Today being pay day meant grocery shopping. I wasn't fully grocery-listed, but I knew enough & HAD to go seeing as we had not a slice of bread left in the house. Brennan & I went to Meijer, him earning cookie bribes along the way.
I scored a great deal on cereal, and I dare to say it tops ALDI'S.
The trip was rough.
Nasty weather. Snow in the south, mixed with ice.
A 10, 11 hour car trip at most wound up taking 14 hours.
Brennan, our 2 year old, didn't fall asleep in the car until the last 2 hours.
Once down there, I wasn't as productive as I had hoped.
My own expectations were not met, and I know it doesn't end there. I feel I probably failed in the eyes of others. Somehow I always spend some of our drive home feeling that way.
My emotional eating kicked in, I splurged while in SC, and I've not stopped. Despite being bloated & feeling gross in my own body, I have not exercised in several days.
Brennan talked nonstop today...as in NON STOP. I couldn't move without it being questioned.
Aidan is a sweet caregiver and taking care of me while the hubs is in Dallas.
And even though Pat just left a few hours ago, I already miss him.
On a different note, I went with my sisters to see New Moon on Sunday. I admit, I liked it. I especially liked Jacob. ;) I would watch this one again (whereas I did not feel that way after seeing Twilight).
So there ya have it. I'm playing catch-up now with laundry, grocery shopping, and my DVR.
I'm not ready for Lent. Ironically enough, I feel ready for a vacation.
Bla.
How's that for checking in?
Just like the birds.
Tomorrow we hope to be on the road by this time.
We're going to see my family in South Carolina.
The main reason is to see my mother before her surgery on the 23rd. It will also be helpful to see some of the things being considered for my parents' 50th anniversary party.
I'll be glad to go once we're there, but I tell ya, I am not particularly looking forward to the drive. It will be a long trip over a long weekend, and we have no seconds to spare.
The day after we get back Patrick has to fly to Dallas for work. Aidan has school. I don't want my guys being exhausted for their weeks, and trips like this are always exhausting.
Traveling in the winter doesn't always float my boat, either. Too nasty (usually) to let the boys run around the rest areas, we're cooped in the car w/ it being too cold for windows...bla.
I know it's good we're going down, but this morning it feels like a daunting task. The chore of packing, the task of finding ways to occupy Aidan & Brennan in the car, the financial cost of it all, the possibility of bickering while down there...eh. Makes me want to crawl back into bed.
Instead, I need to get packing. T-24 hours until we hit the road!
'Cuz it's looking like tomorrow will be another one around here!
We actually had some fun today. That's not to say my boys didn't get under my skin. 2yo not napping usually involves me feeling frustrated at SOME point. And my boys wrestling and rolling over each other, despite me telling them over & over again politely asking them to stop, often makes me feel ready for a glass or two of wine a tad agitated, too.
I welcomed today's snow day & basically said "Game On!".
I've been semi-successful in not letting the snow day beat me.
For starters, promptly at 8 a.m. Aidan wanted to do arts & crafts. Sure, other kids may be sleeping, but embrace my kid for who he is, right? (sigh)
So we decided to make a construction paper-ring-countdown until St. Patrick's Day. He did a great job of cutting and even went on to make a flag. Pretty fun. He & I did stuff like this all the time before he started preschool. Kinda gave me mild-warm-fuzzies.
But I think my little man is so handsome.
This is going to sound like a silly one, but here goes:
Store ads/sales.
They should ALL run the same, as in Sunday to Saturday.
Why did it have to change? One is Thursday-Thursday, another Monday-Sunday, and some who knows.
The ads & coupons come with the Sunday paper. Most stores run their sales Sunday to Saturday.
What the heck to the other stores?!
I find it annoying. I do declare it a pet-peeve of mine.
It's being added to the list with rude people, people driving with their darned pets on their laps, and people talking on their cell phones while checking out at a store (hello, rude).
Phew. Now that that's off my chest, I'm hitting the sack.
2010: one month down already, 11 more to go!
January felt like it went by fast, now that it's over.
One month in, and I'm asking how you're doing with those goals or resolutions you set.
How are ya doing?
As for me, well, let me take it goal by goal:
1) Doing a written budget for each month, paying cash for things when possible.
So far so good! We aren't having enough budget meetings yet to check against the budget planned out, but we are doing well using cash. I must say, I really like paying cash. It's less stressful, even for gas for the car. And when you don't want to pay cash for gas because of little ones you might not leave in the car? Easy. When another adult is w/ the kids, run to the gas station you must frequently use, take your cash, and buy a giftcard. You can then pay at the pump just like debit/credit. I LOVE it.
2) Send monthly cards to my brother, and more cards to my godchildren.
I failed this one for January. I didn't get a card to Kevin. :( I talked to him the other night, though, and I'm sending out Valentines'. He is first on my list!
3) Exercise a min of 4 times a week.
Eh, I was off to a great start with this one, and then got that sinus infection. I've been back on track, though, thanks to doing the shred w/ Andrea. I'm not quite back to par yet, since before the sinus infection I was doing the shred plus a 2 or 3 mile Walk Away the Pounds each day. I'll get there.
4) Pay off at least 3 debts this year.
So far we paid off our one & only car early--feels good! We have no car payment right now, and if we do the DR plan lifelong, we'd never have one again. Can you imagine? (I dare to imagine)
We are very close to paying off 1 of the 2 credit cards we have left, and that may even be paid off before February ends. YES! Once that one is paid off, it will be very feasible to pay off that last credit card. We'll then be down to our student loans and mortgage. *happy dance*
5) Pray more with my husband and make it to Adoration on occasion
OK, big time fail w/ adoration. I haven't been in over a month. Praying with my husband, not terrible, but we could do better. I think we should incorporate a few minutes of quick morning prayer together.
So there you have it. Living up to my goals.
YOUR TURN.
How ya doing so far in 2010?
Happy February! Groundhog day is tomorrow. :) Are you going to make your predictions tonight? Will Phil see his shadow? (I;'m hoping spring is on the way, so no shadow is my vote!)
